December 4th, 2010

Cloverfield Monster Celebrity Dream

Weird dream I just had:

I was trapped in a supermarket with a bunch of other people and we knew that a monster attack was imminent. We were all huddled on the floor in the corner of the store that was felt to be the safest. We somehow knew that Coca-Cola might help us survive, but most people were reluctant to move from the "safe" corner to go get any. I made my way to a different corner where the Coca-Cola was and got myself a two liter bottle, and a few other people were doing the same thing, and then I returned to the safe corner. As I sat there listening to people's nervous chatter, I started drinking my Coca-Cola. Then I stared at the bottle and noticed that I'd already drunk half of it, and I wondered what the hell I'd been thinking to start drinking my Coca-Cola when it was the key to surviving a monster attack. I realized then that I was a little confused about how exactly Coca-Cola would help you survive a monster attack. Did it repel the monster? Or did the monster really like Coca-Cola, so therefore you could use it as a peace offering or a distraction? Then someone said, "Or maybe it was orange soda..." and not Coca-Cola at all, and I lost confidence in the efficacy of Coca-Cola in this situation.

I raised my hand and asked someone in charge whether we were expected to sit here or if we were free to go find someplace else to huddle helplessly, and he said no that was fine, so I started hurrying down the aisles looking for a hiding place. I climbed over a counter and opened a cabinet, but it was too small for me to squeeze into, so I kept looking. I found a place where there were these sort of Mayan temple/modern art pillars, and I thought I could climb them to a ledge, so I did. On the ledge was a trapdoor, but when I opened it there was just a shallow depression there that was also too small for me to squeeze into. Then I realized that the ledge I was on was actually in a field outside the store, so I climbed down and started making my way across busy streets and away from the supermarket. Now that I was out of there, I started to feel pretty confident about my chances of surviving.

I made my way up a hill to a large Mount Kisco Medical Group office building, and went inside. I knew the place had massive labyrinthine underground archives, and for a moment I debated whether heading downstairs or upstairs would be safer, but I settled on upstairs. As I made my way up the stairs, there were a group of women ahead of me, and one of them hadn’t heard yet that the city was being attacked by a giant monster, so one of the other women was explaining the situation to her, and mentioned that the monster could leap miles and shred concrete as if it were paper, which made me a little more nervous again. I made it to the top floor and peeked out a window, and I could see the monster splashing around in the harbor below and causing devastation. The monster was giant and green and had two massive tentacles with fins at the ends that trailed along behind it.

Then, to my horror, the monster leapt straight at me, like a head crab from Half-Life with its round toothy lamprey-mouth, flying miles and landing on the building I was in. I tried to run, but it smashed through the wall and gobbled me up, but somehow I was still running away, still trying to escape. I was on the roof of a different building now, a luxury apartment complex with stairs linking various rooftop levels, each of which had a pool, and young people in swimsuits were thronging the pools and having parties and hoping that the monster would attack their parties. As I ran past, with the monster in pursuit, one guy said to the monster, “Hey monster, why didn’t you come to my party, man?” (In my dream the monster had a normal everyday name, but I don't remember what it was.)

I started to realize that this was all a dream, that in fact it had turned into a parody of Cloverfield -- one criticism I heard of Cloverfield is how ridiculous it is that in a city the size of New York the main characters keep running into the monster wherever they go, almost as if it’s following them around. In my dream that was actually the case, and the monster was following me around and gobbling me up and spitting me out repeatedly. As the monster closed in on me yet again, I turned and noticed that he was somehow both a giant monster and also a handsome reality TV star with wavy dark hair. I screamed, “Why do you keep attacking me?” and he said nonchalantly, “Because I like you.”

Then I woke up.

SFRevu Reviews my Short Story "Cats in Victory"

Just noticed this review from back in June of my story "Cats in Victory." I like the last line.

"Cats in Victory" by David Barr Kirtley takes place in a future time in which catmen are engaged in killing off dogmen. They have already killed off monkeymen and birdmen and frogmen. Now, they have what might be the last of the dogmen in their sights. They hope that Cat will descend back to Earth and restore them to their true forms. Lynx is a young catman who is showing soldiers where he saw dogmen when they find a strange object with what they think is a monkeyman inside. But he has Cat with him. And Cat does not talk. We, of course, have a better idea of what is going on and all becomes clear eventually. This was a nicely imaginative story about the problems of dogma, or would that be catma?